In seeking solutions to couple fault-lines and resolving conflicts within couples, self-examination and Self-reformation are very important to establish prace in relationships.
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Broken Fences To Fix
Actually, what are the common challenges that couples have to tackle with on a regular basis, irrespective of whether they are married, dating, engaged, or merely lovers living together?
Are there really some personal character traits they urgently need to fix, in order to live in harmony?
We all should understand that in eliminating relationship conflicts, couple's Fault-lines (personal weaknesses) deserve absolute targeting.
If a machine or system is working perfectly, is there any need trying to fix it?
A healthy person needs no Pain-killer drugs, or life-saving surgery.
Again, if your bucket is already filled to its brim, what's the point in pouring water into it any farther?
However, what if it's only half-full or even outrightly empty?
What if there are no smiles in your home?
What if from morning till night the only experience in your home is a display of quarrels upon quarrels?
A lot of What ifs, I am sure you have noticed.
But that's what uncertainties are all about. When you are dating somebody, you tend to (wrongly) assume that you know your partner very well.
What with the giddy emotions of infatuation or love, of course that's understandable
We can easily fall under the impression that we know everything about ourselves and that it's all enough knowledge to motivate us to live together or get married.
However, experience has shown that nothing can be further from the truth.
Sooner rather than later, you soon discover that all that glitters is not gold, which is to say that everything is usually not what it appears to be
To your chagrin, you may subsequently find out that the person you thought you were an authority on, whom you believed you know so well, turns out to be whom you indeed know next to nothing about.
This is because appearance can indeed be misleading. Dating is never the same in weight and reality with living together.
Suddenly, you can't agree on issues anymore. Alas! it develops that two lovebirds can no longer fly together.
As I have learnt from my own experience, it is when you start living together that you begin to realize each other's faults
That's when it dawn's on you that both of you are not without weaknesses and that a lot of fixing needs to be done, if you want your relationship to survive.
Factors For Relationship Bottlenecks
As a result of everything we discussed earlier, you may begin to ask yourself questions.
For instance:
What can be the cause of this development?
Why am I having issues with my guy, whom I used to love so much?
I have consulted my own years of marital experience and come up with the following factors, which I believe largely cover the track field:
1. The euphoria is over, the burble has burst, and true colors are now exposed.
You once thought you knew your spouse or partner, now you realized you didn't.
As you have discovered, he or she is not the angel you once believed.
What are you going to do about that?
How you handle it can either deepen your relationship or tear things apart.
2. Proximity blues Sharing same space or living together can create its own contradictions.
It's especially so because you have to share virtually everything, which has a way of limiting or reducing self-independence and freedom.
By failing to imbibe this spirit of sharing and collectivity, you can only experience the harsh side of your partnership.
3. Another cause, is when reality sets in.
After a dream always comes a waking. Moving from dating into wedlock or marriage can sometimes be compared to transiting from euphoria tto a state of rude awakening.
Refusal to stop fantasizing or facing the reality of resolving differences can tear mess things up.
4. Another factor is Personality Uniqueness.
I am sure we can all relate with the fact that habits are not the same, because everyone grows up with individual-specific pattern of behaviour.
If we can't behave properly towards one another, it's definitely going to lead to stress and disaffection.
5. Also, let's not forget that individual mindsets vary from one person to another.
This is a fact of life: we can never think alike on every issue.
If you can't show respect for each other's thoughts and ideas on common or everyday situations, it's no wonder why you are always disagreeing.
6. Personal backgrounds also differ and may lead to stressful relationship.
We all come from different homes and classes. When this reality is allowed to become a divisive element, it is likely to negatively affect your relationship.
7. Again, tastes and preferences are often different.
Whereby these cannot be accommodated and tolerated it poses a problem.
8. Next in line are conflicting manner of handling issues.
Simply put, people possess peculiar characteristics which make them distinct from one another.
By that same token, their approach to issues or manner of managing things or reacting to them, will equally not be uniform.
Needless to say therefore, when this reality is mishandled, problems will always arise.
9. Moving forward, peer group influence is another factor, especially if it generates negative vibes.
If you are moving with the wrong crowd or friends, it's a given that you could become influenced by wrong advices and start exhibiting negative behaviour.
This will notmally cause problems in your relationship.
10. Also, too much familiarity can rear up ugly heads as a sign of what a Nigerian slang refers to as 'See Finish'.
What this simply means is this: when you constantly see them do the same things repeatedly, talk in predictable ways, etc, it can become routine, monotonous, and boring
It's not supposed to happen but then it does, by luring you to begin to take your partner for granted rather than appreciating them.
Reasons To Change Your Style
1. Accepting And Coping With Reality
I don't believe there is any couple on earth who went into a relationship primarily to fight or disagree.
It's usually because of love.
So, whenever the reality of individual differences and contradictions set in, it is best to fix yourselves instead of letting things slide from bad to worse.
2. To interact well and achieve better understanding of yourselves.
Poor interaction amongst couples is also a common factor that causes rows.
If you are not communicating effectively, you are never going to achieve any good understanding of each other and that can only lead to more disagreements.
3. Also, you should be a role model, both to your partner and to yourself.
It's even more important whereby you already have children or other family members around.
You ought to change your style so that you can be a good example to others.
By doing so, you will be able to portray a good image of yourself and others will find you worthy of being emulated and be proud of you.
4. Even if nothing is at stake, there's nothing wrong in self-reforming to improve yourself.
Whether or not your union faces a storm, working on your own weaknesses to align with collective goals is very essential.
5. To bring the best out of your partner.
Changing your ways is not only for your own good, it will also benefit your partner.
You can only challenge somebody turn a new leaf by exhibiting positive habit and exemplary character.
6. To save your union
This is the crux of the matter.
You are not alone.
You are in a partnership.
You live with somebody.
Two of you are involved and there's no wishing it away
If you want it to work, then you must have to fix whatever calls for fixing.
7. To enhance your mental health
Renewing yourself is essential for your own mental health too
A toxic environment, constant arguments and stress, are definitely not what any doctor will prescribe for a patient.
If only for the sake of your own wellbeing and mental health, you must correct the correctable.
8. For self-empowerment. Negative habits are evidences of personal weakness.
If you are in their grip, you can never be in charge of yourself or your affairs.
In order to transform your fortunes and regain control over your life, you have to fix whatever it is you are doing wrong.
9. To Improve Your Self-worth.
How much exactly are you worth, to yourself and to others?
If it is true that everyone desires to be respected and valued, then it is very important for you to examine yourself.
You must correct your personal flaws, so that you can enhance your Self-worth and earn the respect you wish to deserve - especially from your spouse.
8 Tips To Repair Your Personality
1. When you remedy your personal errors and begin to do things in an acceptable manner, everyone gains.
Not only will your association become healthier, you will also enjoy personal growth.
In essence you will become a better person who can be positively proud of yourself.
So look inwards at your habits honestly and frankly.
Do you like what you see?
If it's encouraging disagreements or causing discordant tunes between you and your partner, then you obviously need to repair some loose ends to makes things good.
2. Again, by working on yourself, you will gain better self-understanding and familiarity with your own strengths and weaknesses.
It is crucial that you recognize who you really are and what makes you strong or weak.
Indeed, if you don't know yourself, how can you possibly understand someone else?
Your ability to achieve sekf-awareness will considerably help you to identify areas which you must improve and how you can fix them.
3. Let's get one thing straight: you are not just changing to save your marriage or partnership.
Whenever you pick up that figurative hammer to fix the lose planks in your personality, you are:
- Earning self-respect and dignity
- Creating a positive self-image.
You must try your best to change the way you interact with your partner. Listen more, show empathy.
Avoid engaging in divisive actions that usually lead to troubles.
The value of this process is that you will be able to relate with others better.
4. I am convinced that we all realize that at the root of most quarrels or disagreements, lies a thick vein of indiscipline.
By reforming ourselves, we can become self-disciplined.
You can achieve this by behaving properly and decently.
Work seriously on how to handle your emotions, controlling your temper, and developing self-control.
In turn it will enable you to build positive willpower within you.
Needless to say, a partnership of well-behaved and self-disciplined guys will co-exist more peacefully.
5. Sometimes, a lack of purpose and direction may cause unruly behaviour, with its attendant outcome of inter-personal clashes.
Some of us - if not most - have passed through this route.
It helps to identify your purpose in life and apply it to your activities.
That's essential to discover your true passions and direction.
Of course it will positively rub off on your relationship, because your improved character can limit or eliminate the usual reasons for crisis in your home.
6. Another advantage of fixing your roof (i.e. correcting your flaws), is that it can transform you into a good role model.
You should try as much as possible to reinvent yourself. Become a good example to others. Avoid acts which tarnish your image or which can bring shame to your marriage.
If you successfully self-reform, you will not only succeed in co-existing peacefully with your partner, other family members (e.g. your children) will benefit tremendously from your display of exemplary behaviour and good leadership qualities too.
7. Lifestyle improvement is another merit of reinventing yourself.
Ask a matter of reality, negative lifestyle is responsible for most partnership disharmony and wrangling.
Such fault-lines include drunkenness, womanizing, gossiping, laziness, arrogance, extravagance etc.
As we may recall, nobody can be absolutely right or wrong.
Therefore you must both review :
- your style of living
- what you do
- how you do things
- how it affects your relationship
Without a doubt, you should overhaul all divisive habits or tendencies - if you sincerely desire to enhance your union.
By improving your lifestyle and embracing positive values and behaviour, you will be able to drastically reduce or even outrightly eliminate the frequency of quarrels and misunderstandings in your relationship.
8. Finally,, I believe that a common reason for divorce globally is that couples lack resilience and ability to adapt to conditions in their arrangement.
Some easily give up the fight. Others are just not ready to look at the possibility of adapting at all.
Yet, resilience and adaptability are key elements to achieve success in life, more particularly for the survival of relationships.
As a result, there is no alternative to fixing the problems.
You can start by being resilient in your efforts and staying committed to the well-being of your togetherness.
Learn to adapt to new realities or dynamics of your bond and work out how to manage challenges positively.
Being resilient and adaptable will bring the following benefits:
- greatly help you to withstand marital challenges
- enable you to develop resilience
- help you to learn from failures and setbacks:; and,
- enhance your ability to become innovative and work out solutions to your marital or partnership problems.
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