Mixed Signals Fuel Conflicts
Do you know that giving mixed signals can generate avoidable disagreement between you and your partner?
If you are finding that difficult to wrap your mind around, flow with the discussion through the following links for more insight:
MIXED SIGNALS
Imagine you are driving home from your office, tired as you could possibly be.
You get to the point where traffic lights control movement through timed signals.
You will anticipate normal behaviour from the traffic control robots, won't you?
More to the point, you expect to receive normal rational and logical signals from the standard traffic lights in this fashion:
- Red Light: Stop.
- Yellow Light: Caution, meaning the light is about to turn red and you must prepare to stop by slowing down .
- Green Light: All clear to move or proceed with caution.
Special Traffic Lights
- Green Arrow: meaning you have the right-of-way and should proceed in the direction of the arrow.
- Red Arrow: meaning you shouldn't make the turn indicated by the arrow but wait for the arrow to turn green or for a green light that gives go ahead to make the turn.
- Flashing Red Light: Treat as a stop sign, stop, be certain that the coast is clear before you move.
- Flashing Yellow Light: Caution, slow down and proceed with caution.
Pedestrian Signals
- Walking Person (Green): Pedestrians have the right-of-way and may move.
- Hand or Red Light: Do not cross.
What happens if that's not what you get?
What happens if all or multiple lights and arrows begin to flash or beam at the same time?
Can you picture the bedlam that could cause, with confusion all over the place?
Let's not even mention the likelihood of accidents!
Now carry this picture all the way and imagine that's what you get from your lover, spouse, or partner.
Are you okay with that?
With not knowing how to read or understand them?
Let's talk about it so we can properly grasp this thing.
In a relationship, what exactly are "signals"?
You may call them by other names because there's nothing robotic about them: smiles, frowns, laughter, nodding head, shaking head, words, writings, etc.
Nonetheless, these and similar gestures constitute human signals.
They are important in our interactions as people.
It's what we instinctively look for in others: mannerisms, body language, sign language.
It gives us voiceless insights into what they want and what they don't.
For example, have you observed that whenever a child does something, it glances at its mum or dad's face to see their expression?
If it sees frowns or anger, it desists from the action and most probably won't repeat it because the parental signals showed disapproval.
Otherwise, if there's a smile or nod, it knows that licence has been given to go right on with the activity.
Mentally, can we return to the traffic lights?
We can recall that they issue clear directives to "Go, Stop,Walk " , etc.
Think of a relationship signal as "forms of communication". It is interactive and serves many useful purposes, such as giving:
- information
- messages
- warnings
- an order
How can mixed signals lead to discord or interpersonal clashes within couples?
ITS EFFECTS ON COUPLES
Do you receive clear signals from your partner?
When they profess love for you, and their actions prove the contrary?
When they say one thing, and mean another?
When their signals become confusing and the nod gets interpreted as an head-shake, the smiles as disapproval rather than consent?
When it gets to the point where couples experience this scenario, it means trust has vanished and the very basis for empathy is no longer existing.
To get a better handle on what this suggests, let's look at some common effects of mixed signals on relationships.
1. As already implied, it creates emotional confusion and doubts.
Such couples become uncertain about the true status or genuineness of their emotions and relationship.
2. Needless to say, doubts about Intentions are always pregnant with loads of trouble.
They are easy triggers for misunderstandings.
3. Also, we all know how important it is for couples to be certain that they are fully committed to each other.
However, mixed signals can disrupt this legitimate expectation and make partners to begin to question their commitment levels or genuineness.
4. Besides, it shatters essential bonding and generates uncertainty about future standing and prospects of the relationship.
5. In another development, it can erode trust faster than a lie.
In simpler terms, it would introduce trust issues where there was once real trust. If it is not quickly addressed, it envelops the couple in a climate of mutual mistrust or distrust.
6. Of course, for a union that was once caring and unambiguously loving, injecting mixed signals into it could lead to emotional trauma through overthinking, anxiety, tension and stress.
7. Besides, every partner thirsts for a sense of belonging.
Validation is a key component of that desire, but that becomes absolutely impossible when the effects of mixed signaling sets in.
They may start feeling they are unvalued and uncertain about their place in the relationship, obviously.
8. Additionally, it introduces strange bed fellows into couples' interactions.
For example, they may no longer be able to conduct open and transparent communication.
That may as well turn out to be exchanges of double standards, or more bluntly, mixed expectations.
9. Besides, it delivers terrible blows to the wellbeing of their partnership.
As such it threatens the security of their togetherness and wrap them in feelings of insecurity, which may in time result to crisis that calls for relationship advice or counseling to resolve.
10. Moreover, it renders all chances for collaboration or planning and doing things together practically unlikely for such couples.
11. Ordinarily, Personal Growth is every couple's logical desire.
Unfortunately, that may become a pipe dream to boot.
That's primarily due to feelings of frustration that mixed signals create in the affected couples.
12. To round up, it has great chances of trrminating a couple's connection.
Not only that, if it persists, it renders the the relationship unstable and creates conflicts that may eventually spell its doom.
HOW COUPLES GIVE MIXED SIGNALS
You may be wondering, how exactly do couples give mixed signals?
Let's discuss some aspects of that activity tight now.
1. Inconsistency.
Like I earlier indicated, it could result from inconsistent words and actions by either member of a couple or partners.
What it simply means is this: saying one thing but doing another.
2. Sending Mixed Commitment Messages.
As sure as night follows day (and vice versa), Love is empty without Commitment.
Let's agree that you are not deficient in constantly declaring love for your partner.
However, when it comes to showing real commitment to them, you fall flat on your face.
3. Displaying Hot and cold behavior.
You are so unpredictable.
This moment you you are affectionate, then you become distant and unapproachable.
4. Setting Unclear Boundaries.
To be very frank, couples ensure their happiness and flourish their bond by respecting individual boundaries.
However, this cannot happen whereby mixed signals distort those definitions and one partner cannot fathom what the other's preferences are or what they are comfortable with.
I once heard somebody say:
"How can I not do what you dislike when you never told or showed me what you like or don't ?"
5. Fluctuating Communication Style.
You have established a record of Inconsistency in your communication habit.
Sometimes you reach out but most times you make your partner feel as if they were alone.
Consider this: this instance you are responsive, next moment it's like you weren't present.
Hypothetical statement:
"I am fed up! How can you live with somebody you can't even talk to?"
6. Incompatible Words and Tones.
Mixed reactions are like landmines.
The slightest step can blow up existing ties so much that suspicion becomes the order of every day.
Remember George Orwell's classic novel 1984 and its dynamic hypothesis of "Doublespeak"?
You might be saying "I love you" to your partner,l.
Your tone (possibly "dismissive", as usual) however says another thing.
Because they have become so used to your constantly issuing mixed signals, they are actually receiving the opposite meaning of what you say (i.e. . they believe you don't love them).
7. Mixed Intimacy Signals.
Likewise, you may constantly intimate intimate moves but at the same time displaying emotional distancing and lack of tenderness.
Dum total: you pull away more than you come close.
8. Showing Conflicting priorities.
Your attitude to the relationship is vague.
Inconsistency is the only way to describe it.
Sometimes you seem to properly prioritize the relationship but most times it's all about you and your personal needs.
9. You Avoid Important conversations.
On a final note, you say you are in the relationship with your mouth.
Nevertheless, you are usually evasive.
You constantly dodge or are conveniently absent whenever it comes to discussing serious issues concerning your togetherness.
POSSIBLE MOTIVES FOR GIVING MIXED SIGNALS
You may be asking: are there reasons or motives for giving mixed signals?
That's what we are about to find out.
1. When you are afraid of entering into serious commitment.
2. When you are uncertainty about your true feelings concerning your partner.
3. If afraid of being rejected or losing out.
4. Sometimes, it's motivated by the desire to exercise control or power in the scheme of things.
5. At other times, it can simply be due to mixed emotions or ambivalence about the entire affair.
6. It could also be borne out of the fear of intimacy. It's a sad thing to lack the capacity to lose yourself in serious intimacy and tenderness, but some people just can't do it.
7. Then comes the "Once bitten, twice shy " scenario.
It means that having been hurt in Past relationships, you don't want a repeat, so you yield to past trails and may start protecting yourself through mixed signals.
8. Alternatively, it may be that you just lack communication skills and hardly know how to get your pints across clearly.
Obviously, lack of self-awareness and individual difficulty with conducting emotional expression are key factors in this regard.
For example, you could be communicating but in a wrong way and sending the wrong signals.
9. At times too, some guys may just be too protective about their individuality.
They can't seem to realize that relationship revolves around sharing and personal sacrifices.
Therefore the fear of losing their "freedom" can motivate them to be in the habit of giving mixed signals.
10. This one may sound funny or unbelievable, but it does happen.
Someone might be issuing mixed signals to test the partner's commitment, I test and resilience.
11. Similarly, it could be targeted at seeking attention and looking for validation from the lover, spouse or partner
12. Beyond this, mixed signals could also be used to evade burning issues, as a tool of evasion to avoid confrontation.
13. It may also arise whereby any member of a couple entertains critical doubts or uncertainty about their relationship goals.
14. Furthermore, it might result from feeling vulnerable and one's desire to play safe
15. Moreover, believe it or not, either member of a couple could be sending mixed signals
simply to enjoy connection attention and benefits of the relationship without the burden of being tied down to any commitment.
They will always wish to keep their options open.
HOW TO AVOID GIVING MIXED SIGNALS
All things considered, how can you avoid giving mixed signals?
1. Be Truthful, Honest and Direct.
Resist being ambiguous.
Let all your communication efforts and interactions be based on truth and honesty.
Be as direct as you possibly can and express your thoughts and feelings in simple and frank manner.
2. Identify Your Intentions.
What do you want in the relationship?
Define your goals, preferences, and expectations.
This will enhance your self-confidence and ability to communicate openly and effectively to achieve personal growth withing your union.
3. Be Transparent and Straightforward.
Avoid using words and actions that can be misinterpreted or misconstrued.
Let your Yes turn out to be exactly Yes.
In short, make sure your words agree with your actions and activities.
4. Behave Inclusively.
Leave nothing about you to be subjected to guesswork or assumptions.
Let your partner know your feelings, needs, likes and dislikes.
Set clear boundaries to establish what you are comfortable with, and convince your mate to respect them.
5. Avoid Testing Your Partner
You may not believe it but testing the commitment level of your spouse could turn out to be a double-edged sword: there's no assurance it would meet your target but there's every chance it could backfire.
Whatever happened to trust?
6. Collaborate, Don't Control.
Using mixed signals or other forms of manipulation and tactics
to take charge or to control mates can only hurt everyone.
It's better to collaborate with your partner and build your bond rather than seeking to dominate or boss it over them.
7. Demonstrate Commitment.
If you prove yourself to be reliable and dependable, there would be no call for sending mixed signals.
Be committed to yourselves and allow mutual loyalty to grow naturally.
8. Avoid Doublespeak.
Remember our earlier example?
Be very careful of your nonverbal cues, body language, signs, words, tones, and gestures.
Ensure that they portray precisely the right message you intended and not be contradictory or confusing.
10. Reflect on your overall behavior.
Think Before You Act. Consider how your actions may be perceived by another person and always make sure you do the right things the right way.
11. Show Respect.
Let your partner know that they mean a lot to you and prove it by honouring them.
Deal straight with them. Value their feelings and needs.
12. By all means resist every urge to vacillate.
By this I mean you should shy sway from being indecisive or unnecessarily hesitant, wavering, and by so doing issuing confusing signals.
Avoid frequent change of mind.
Follow through on your decisions and commitments.
13. In addition, trust yourselves.
Isn't that what true love is built on?
Foster trust within yourselves.
Fight your doubts and invest heavily in your companionship to establish enduring trust through active listening, responsiveness, understanding, empathy, and familiarity.
14. Finally, offer yourselves mutual support.
This is very critical to enjoy seamless progress in your relationship.
Couples should support each other's needs and well-being.
By caring, helping and encouraging yourselves, you can successfully build a stronger connection.
Conclusion
In conclusion, in the article, we have extensively examined the challenge of mixed signals and its effects on people.
We also identified practical ways by which we can change the narrative.
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