In analyzing couple Fault-lines and eliminating relationship conflicts, it's time to cross the Rubicon - by zeroing-in on a key trigger for interpersonal crisis.
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Dynamics Of Infidelity Fault-lines
Are you aware that, arguably, the greatest number of relationship failures, results from infidelity?
Has it ever occurred to you - as a couple - that you may be drifting apart primarily because one or both of you delights in inappropriate relationships?
Infidelity means indulging in romantic or sexual affairs with somebody who is not the legitimate partner or spouse.
For a couple who desire to build an enduring association based on love, conducting honest affiliation outside the partnership is a very delicate and sensitive matter that deserves utmost caution.
You have to ensure you are not crossing the line somehow, but unfortunately that can easily happen.
No doubt, inability to stick to in-couple commitments is one of the recurrent couple fault-lines and resolving conflicts between a couple may become a very complex challenge.
To this end, a couple must exercise great care to ensure that they don't engage in romantic, emotional, or physical connections with other people, because doing so would be violating the trust, boundaries, and expectations which they both shared.
Some common types or aspects of a couple's behaviour, which may be classified as inappropriate relationships, are:
1. Acts of infidelity, which captures situations whereby either, any, or both of the couple are guilty of indulging in romantic or unfaithful interactions outside their own bond.
This has consistently posed a great threat to in-couple peaceful co-existence and is a Fault-line that frequently triggers disharmony.
2. Strong emotional attachment to another person outside the loop, even if not romantic, is another type.
In such cases, any or either of the couple could be sharing intimate thoughts, feelings, or desires with a third party, instead of with the partner.
3. Flirting with someone else other than the rightful partner, or other such suggestive and uncomplimentary behaviour, is another kind.
4. A new input is what you may tag Online Betrayal, which covers instances of couples engaging in online flirting, online dating, or other intimate activities with a 3rd party.
5. Lastly, the double-edge sword of ambiguous actions and gestures can be rightly or wrongly construed as attempts to cheat.
Under this umbrella are:
- excessive show of concern for the househelp or other people of opposite sex
- indecent touching of a 3rd party
- smiling too much to or with somebody other than your partner
- small but big-by-implication mannerisms and advances that can cause suspicion or jealousy.
Infidelity is an inappropriate relationship which typically triggers disagreements and divergence between couples.
Its common signals and features are:
1. the couple tend to become secretive , unexpressive and unopen towards each other (hiding activities, friendships or dealings, etc)
2. they are emotionally distanced and disconnected, uncommunicative and lacking intimacy or closeness.
3. Their behaviour changes, as in:
- increased time apart from each other,
- unexplained late nights and absences,
- sudden transformations in hobbies,
- sudden unexplained interests or affiliations, etc.
4. They are usually defensive and evasive, especially when questioned about their activities.
5. They display obvious lack or decrease in physical or emotional intimacy, affection, sex-drive, emotional support and connection, etc. for each other
6. They behave suspiciously.
For example, they would mostly avoid speaking directly to themselves by texting, messaging through 3rd parties, living inside a wall of passwords, deleting records of messages and emails and social media chats, etc.
7. They exhibit evidence of guilt or shame, like refusing to engage in eye-contact or intimate talk, and betraying nervousness or anxiety.
8. They could start dressing more attractively or provocatively, complete with transformations in hairstyle, makeup, tastes and lifestyle.
9. They would possess gifts and expenses that are unaccounted for and can't be explained.
Dangers It Portends
What are the dangers of infidelity?
Indeed, what can we generally regard as its downsides?
Lets review some of them now.
1. Heads-on, it kills trust faster than a heavy gush of breeze blows out candle-light.
It leaves no room for negotiatiation or excuses and damages the very foundation of a relationship.
2. It creates emotional distress in the affected couple.
No gainsaying it: it will subject them to acute emotional pain, guilt, shame, and anxiety.
3. Oh yeah, you took it right out of my mouth!
It creates a storm of frequent arguments, conflicts, and may even result in the couple being temporarily separated or permanently divorcing each other.
4. Without a doubt, they will suffer from lack of sexual and emotional intimacy. They could find it virtually impossible to reconcile or bond.
5. Also, it ruins the couple's integrity and public image. Obviously, their reputation will nose-dive and they may have to bear the painful backlash from the society, friends, and extended family.
6. Without exception, it does affect couples' overall mental health and inflicts on them emotions of stress, guilt, shame, depression, anxiety, even suicidal thoughts (at its extreme level).
7. Equally, it opens the couple up to risk or possibilities of being infected by sexually-transmitted diseases (STDs).
If this happens, they may have no other choice but to cope with the harsh reality of its physical and emotional blows.
8. Additionally, it destroys self esteem. A transgressing couple would normally experience traumas of low self-worth, self-doubt, insecurity, and lack of confidence in their relationship and in one-another.
9. More: we realize that promiscuity between a couple is a clear act of betrayal.
As such, their ability to interact and communicate positively becomes a mere pipe dream (impossible).
If anything, it leads to a strong falling-apart and isolation between them.
10. Last but not least, apart from its immediate impacts, it further afflicts the concerned couple with future long-term consequences.
For instance: not only can it demolish their union, it could equally deliver negative blows to their individual well-being and future attempts at coupling.
Common Causes
What then are the likely roots of indecent relationships?
I hasten to clarify that none of these constitutes an acceptable excuse to engage in dalliances. It is only meant as outlining a reality.
1. Absence of, or breakdown in, communication is a very active cause.
It serves as a ready fuel to ignite all embers of misunderstandings, creates resentment, and encourages feelings of disconnection.
In turn the couple becomes very vulnerable to temptations of indulging in inappropriate activities.
2. Sometimes it could be a pure case of a neglected soul feeling unheard, unseen, and unvalidated.
Being denied, they may resort to seeking companionship and validation elsewhere or anyhow.
3. To boot, denial of emotional and physical intimacy is another factor.
It may compel someone to look for affection and comfort outside of the relationship.
4. Similarly, if trust is a positive force, what is distrust?
A loss of trust can lead to acts of infidelity, dishonesty, betrayals, etc.
In this light, it may even create wrong notions of justification whereby aggrieved persons (wrongly) feel that they have a right to conduct external fllngs.
5. Strong feelings of low self esteem (alongside all its attendant challenges), can unreasonably influence somebody to succumb to the illicit lures of extra-couple intimacies.
6. Likewise, oftentimes, coupling might turn sour when the burble bursts and they realize that they actually have nothing in common.
What does this portend?
Sad to say, if they don't share any values and goals, they might not really be connected and stand a high risk of engaging in inappropriate commitments outside of their relationship.
7. Again, when either of a couple sets unrealistic expectations for the partner, it could drive them apart.
That's because unfulfilled expectations normally result to disappointment and discontent, even to an extent of pushing the affected person to seek solace beyond their arrangement.
8. As a rule, we all understand that accountability is essential in everything.
However, what if a couple suffers under a burden of lacking any sense of accountability?
What if they refuse to take responsibility for their actions?
It can only build a negative climate whereby both may immorally believe they could transgress without repercussions.
9. Besides, a partner who is convinced that he or she is neglected and being denied emotional support may feel pushed to misbehave (even though that's wrong).
It could up the ante by escalating matters and throwing up the likelihood of a mate searching for support and companionship outside their union.
10. Incidentally, wrong peer group influence or moving with the wrong crowd, may expose a companion to bad practices and promiscuous affiliations or affairs.
11. In the same vein, abusive use of the internet may cause wounds to a relationship.
It could harmfully expose and reorientate a partner and bring about extra-couple affairs like online dating, sexual fantasies, and other dangerous practices.
12. Finally, drug abuse can uncontrollably trigger all manners of anti-couple activities, including infidelity.
The Merits Of Abstention
There are many attractive benefits of resisting the temptation to commit infidelity.
I will explain some of them in the next few paragraphs.
1. If you stay true and faithful to your partner, you will preserve the trust between you two and eliminate any risk of extra-couple affairs.
2. When a couple keeps its relationship straight, honest and loyal, it insulates them against emotional pain, hurt, and betrayal.
3. What's more, a couple's ability to resist divisive and promiscuous activities will promote the integrity of their relationship and they will be more committed to each other.
4. Another point: staying loyal will enhance a couple's ability to relate effectively.
For example, it draws them closer and develops a healthy rapport and familiarity between them.
5. As a matter of fact, a couple who resist committing acts of transgression will be able to focus on important issues like personal growth and self-improvement.
6. To boot, by averting incidence of unfaithful activity between them, a couple will boost their mental health and escape suffering stress and anxiety.
7. Moving forward, a couple's sense of security will be greatly fortified if they can avoid acts detrimental to their union.
It gives their association the necessary stability it needs and strengthens the bond between them.
8. Beyond this, couple members gain self-respect by staying loyal and resolute in their commitment.
In more ways than one, it actively fosters a positive self-image and self-esteem between them.
It additionally validates their self-worh and personal integrity.
9. More to the point, by refusing to engage in immoral flings, couples can successfully protect and improve their reputation and social standing.
10. Invariably, if you consider the legal implications of infidelity, one may better appreciate how staying loyal can help you to escape its financial consequences (I.e. legal fees for litigations, damage to career, alimony expenses, etc).
The Practical Remedies
1. To me, familiarity is a key factor here.
Couples should establish a routine of regular communication and constantly interacting in all the right areas - thoughts, desires, preferences.
With that in place, misunderstandings and disloyalty are most unlikely to occur.
2. Likewise, a couple must ensure that they spend more time together than apart.
Most times acts of indiscretion occur because couples become strangers to one another and their bond grows weaker by the day.
Doing so will deepen their partnership and reduce any chance of them seeking relevance or friendship elsewhere.
3. Next: be fully committed.
In life, commitment always makes the difference in everything. It drastically reduces the risk of betrayal.
It is the breeding ground for loyalty, respect and progress in every association.
Couples should therefore strive to develop a strong sense of dedication and responsibility.
4. Consistently, most acts of sexual Indiscretion are products of unresolved conflicts and disaffection.
It is therefore of great benefit to couples if they can devote time to resolve burning issues amongst them. They must at all times not allow disagreements to linger or escalate, but take constructive steps to prevent resentment and divisive feelings promptly.
5. Advancing, infidelity is either a pathological condition or the direct child of consistent denial of a basic need.
No couple should deny themselves of any normal emotional and physical needs, like quality affection, intimacy, and other in-couple essentials (e.g. romance or conjugal rights).
6. Advisedly, to be strong and confident is actually good but it doesn't hurt to be careful.
After all, prevention is definitely better than cure.
Is it not more convenient to prevent something from happening, than to run around later seeking to cure or repair damages?
Bottom line: temptations are everywhere, so resist or avoid whatever can trigger them.
For instance, other than your partner, be very careful and selective about who you relate with: keep it honest, platonic, and maintain respectful distancing.
7. Admittedly, trust is an essential requirement in every relationship.
The stronger it is, the more cohesive and progressive the couple will be.
By being open and transparent in their interactions, they will be able to sustain their dedication and allegiance.
8. As usual, a mixture of empathy plus forgiveness and understanding, is the proverbial walking stick you can use to navigate dark tunnels - even with your eyes closed.
What it implies is this: by being empathetic a couple will find it possible to
- get better perspectives of each other,
- know where the shoe pinches
- resist hurtful behaviour
- find it easier to forgive and compromise.
- grow their ability to remain true and committed,
9. Proceeding, to eliminate unproductive blame-ganes which usually arise from unfulfilled expectations, couples must not expect too much from one-another.
They ought to be realistic and accept that no relationship can ever be perfect.
This will empower them to avoid disappointment and frustration, thereby eliminating grievances which could instigate extra-couple alliances.
10. In addition, personal integrity, self-respect, and self-discipline are some other motivations via which a couple can resist succumbing to temptation.
It doesn't matter how far things are crumbling around you.
If you truly have dignity and believe in your own self-worh, you will always discover the courage and conviction to avoid inappropriate relationships.
11. Accordingly, couples should share, share, and continue sharing together.
Being inclusive will assist them to remain cohesive and impregnable.
As a couple, you must strive to fortify your ties through shared activities, goals, desires, hobbies, deliberately uniting to create shared memories.
It's a practice which can foreclose any possibility of extra-couple dalliances.
12. Furthermore, it's true that couples fall apart due to lack of any support system.
In order to avert this, they need to render effective support to themselves.
They have to offer each other regular mutual support physically, spiritually, financially, emotionally - in every aspect that counts.
13. To round up, what if a couple becomes entangled in extra-couple indiscretions or flings, courtesy of pathological factors?
In such a case, in addition to implementing the earlier recommendations, I suggest they go for professional counselling and therapy.
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