Empathy Pays High Dividends

On this trip, let's identify the common thread between Empathy and its facility or importance for eliminating relationship conflicts.

Start by surfing  these sub-topics links:

• Empathetic Reflections
  
• A Journey Of Empathy
  
• Disadvantages Of Being Unempathetic
  
• Steps To Demonstrate Empathy

A Flash Of Reflections

Did you ever wonder how you can change the discordant tunes in your relationship?

Have you ever done mental flashbacks and wished you had done some things differently?

I have  - and God help me, I still do.

Life, indeed, is a school of learning processes.

No matter how much we think or believe we already know, we truly can never know everything.

Therefore, truth be told, life is always a work in progress no matter how long we live.

I have been married for about 23 years.

Now whenever I look back at some of the crises and conflicts I and my spouse wittingly or otherwise got entangled in, we both wish we had done things differently.

I truly do.

I discovered that at the root of our problems were two key things we were lacking:

1. Empathy. 

It is simply impossible for any couple or partnership to coexist and survive successfully and peacefully without it.

It is a process of being in tune with your partner's emotions, feelings, thoughts, and experiences.

Through empathy you will be able to properly understand your spouse, and become easily familiar with their preferences.

2. Emotional Barometer

Ordinarily, a barometer is a device that measures  air pressure and shows when the weather is likely to change.

That's not the one I am talking about.

I mean our naturally-given sense of measurement which enables us to gauge or comprehend how situations and people's opinions change or develop.

It had marvelled me that   we had married for love yet never really realized how little we  actually knew about ourselves.

We thought we did, discovered later we both did not.

As a matter of fact, contrary to what is trending in many mindsets, it is not possible to truly understand  your sweetheart  without living with them.

I am not discussing working,  official or dating relationships here. Those are formalized types and nobody allows you to see or know what they don't want you to.

The guys you are dating don't want you to see or know about their negative aspects or weaknesses and would keep hiding them from you.

Well, cones the moment both of you finally say those solemn wedding vows "I Do" and start living together, there will be no  hiding place anymore.

If he or she is a pretender it soon becomes obvious. 

I mean, you both live together now and therefore there's nowhere to rehearse anything for any presentation anywhere.

Everybody begins to see everybody for who they truly are.

No more packaging.

No more pretensions.

It's truth or dare time now.

So how are you going to handle each other?

How are you going to manage this new him or her who is suddenly portraying attitudes or character you would never have imagined existed?

How can you lay a foundation on this discovery to build a successful relationship?

This is the point where it all starts, guys.

It has impact on your ability to start afresh and re-engage each other positively.

Love is key - true, but it is not everything.

We often forget that Love is essentially a process of personal sacrifices for everyone involved.

It is quite easy to ruin Love and turn it into its undesirable opposite, if it is not carefully nurtured and treasured.

How can you avoid doing that?

How can you keep loving the guy whom you have now realized was not what you thought he or she was while you were dating?

How can you prevent disagreements from degenerating to quarrels to other forms of conflicts - and possibly divorce?

Demonstrating Empathy

Here's where empathy comes in.

Frankly speaking, I believe that a relationship is a journey of empathy.

To understand what it absolutely entails, let's look at it critically using my analogy in the next few lines

If you decide to ask a medical doctor the reason why it's important to check the pulse of a sick person, you will be told a lot of things you didn't know before, such as:

1. to find out the true health condition and well-being of a patient.
2. to measure the heart rate to know the number of times it beats per minute in order to determine if there are any abnormalities and disorders of a patient's heart 
3. to detect whether or not there exist problems in blood circulation, judging by how strongly or weakly  it beats 
4. to find out how severe is a patient's condition for making informed decision on what effective treatment to apply (especially if it's an emergency)
5. to monitor the effect of medications and assess how save and effective they have been on the sick person

Well, Empathy is like that medical process of diagnosis.

Lack of Empathy is at the root of most, if not all, relationship conflicts.

It leads to neglect and abuse between partners, and causes stress and breakdown of marriages.

Let us understand this issue fully.

In the absence of empathy, several things usually go wrong in our unions.

That deficiency gives room to a lot of factors which can cause bad health in our relationships, especially conflicts amongst partners.

Disadvantages Of Zero Empathy

Let us be frank about this point.

Lack of empathy will cause the following problems between you and your partner:

1. Communication Gaps:

Without empathy, communication becomes difficult and the couple could be experiencing constant strains and outbursts, including misunderstandings and other negative outpouring or activities.

2. Emotional disconnection:

You have probably heard about how two persons can occupy the same space and yet feel isolated and alone.

Well, if there's no empathy between you and your spouse, that could be you we are discussing.

It will create between you two a very wide chasm and turn you to  strangers, because you lack emotional connection.

3.  Erodes Trust:

We all know how important trust is amongst lovers and partners.

To sustain any relationship, it has to be kept intact, because once it is broken, it's virtually impossible to revive it.

So whenever any of the partners constantly disregard the feelings or emotions of the other, trouble will definitely set in.

4.  Expanding Conflicts:

If empathy is the essential tonic you need to resolve conflicts, what happens when it's not available?

Trouble! 

You can't see eye to eye!

Arguments produce more  arguments.

How can you even get around to agreeing to sit down to resolve your issues?

5.  The Blame Game:

Partners who cannot connect in ways that matter are usually self-defensive and highly critical of one another.

Rather than looking at issues positively and finding ways out of problems, they will play the Blame Game as if it were a competition that promises the biggest prize for the winner.

6. Intimacy Suffers:

Intimacy amongst cats and rats?

Give me a break!

That's surely a laugh.

There's no way on Mother's earth that two people who lack empathy for each other can ever become intimate.

Believe me, that's not going to happen.

No matter how hard you attempt to polish it, that union is nothing but superficial at best.

7. Zero  Validation:

We all need validation.

It's one of the things which keep people forging ahead and boosts their relationships.

Validation makes people feel that they are understood and appreciated. Empathy gives all these and even more.

However, when it's missing, your partner or yourself will begin to feel neglected,  ignored, dismissed or even belittled.

8.  Breeding Resentment:

Actually, if you can't feel the emotional pulse of your partner, how can you discern or understand what they need?

This creates a sense of hopelessness in everyone involved.

It means that you won't be able to  address or satisfy their needs.

Therefore  you can expect reactions like resentment, anger, and other negative reactions.

9.  In addition, a partnership lacking empathy will not be capable of recording any positive progress.

At best, that train has no fuel to move it and stagnation may be all you can witness.

Growth will become a mere wishlist and a union like that could only be stale and unfulfilled.

Dad, Can You Feel My Pulse? 

One day my last born, Daniel, about the age of fourteen, walked into our sitting room where I was watching the 7 o'clock evening news edition on tv,  and sat on the settee across from me.

Even though I was concentrating on the news, I could not help noticing that his face was covered in frowns. That was highly unusual of him, because we all knew him to be a cheerful boy.

His expression, to me, seemed to be inaudibly asking me:  

"Dad, can you feel my pulse?"

I decided the news could wait, I would still get updates somehow anyhow. 

So I turned down the television volume and signalled him to come closer to me.

I needed to know what was wrong with him. 

That could have been your spouse needing your attention.

Are you feeling his or her pulse?

If you have heard of soul mates, you should also make out time to discover what makes them so.

Empathy.

That's what did it.

The ability to know what the other person is feeling, their likes and dislikes, their character and preferences.

I have witnessed couples with strong empathy talking with their eyes, gestures, nods, and perfectly communicating voicelessly and getting things done between them.

The truth is that if you make a habit of empathizing with others, you are not going to be careless about their needs. It motivates you to show concern.

This can give you the opportunity to address problems while they are still small and solvable, before they grow complex and complicated.

For example, in the case of my son, he was having a little headache and temperature.  

Of course I didn't waste time and promptly took him out for professional treatment and medication.

It could also have been something worse that if neglected or ignored, may have expanded and become unmanageable. 

By making sure you are always feeling the pulse of your loved ones, you will be able to realize:

• when they are seeking your attention, 
• needing help, 
• going through pains, 
• wanting something.

18 Empathetic Steps For Couples' Growth

To be precise, exactly how does "empathy" pay high dividends?

As I implied earlier in this article, being empathetic or feeling the pulse of your spouse and loved ones, means you are aware of what they are feeling, sensitive to their needs, and attuned to their preferences and concerns 

It also entails that you should be responsive to their signals for attention.

We may compare this process to how a driver relates with his or her car. 

You may find it difficult to accept, but it's true that there's communication going on between the one driving and the thing being driven. 

If this is not so, how can you understand the signal for low fuel or indications of an empty tank?

How do you realize that your engine needs water, or engine oil, or that your tyre needs pumping?

You feel its pulse (empathize) by accurately interpreting its signals (messages) and digital  interactions and also by observation.

I believe that you can equally receive relevant information by monitoring the moods of your partner, spouse and children. 

You can learn to understand their mood swings and recognize when they are sad, happy, or  seeking attention.

As a way forward,  I have explained below 18 essential ways through which you can empathize and treat your partner better, in order to prevent  conflicts and to enjoy a healthy relationship::

1. Provide financial security, so that they won't go through preventable hardship
2. Be responsive to both their basic and essential needs 
3. Educate them, so they can be enlightened and intellectually equipped to succeed in life
4. Feed them well, so they can be well-nourished and healthy
5. Be a mentor or role model
6. Be supportive of their talents and skills, to transform them into achievers
7. Monitor their medical condition and wellbeing to ensure that they are in good health, so that you can have strong and active family members. 
8. Give them positive and effective care, in order to strengthen family ties and produce a positively-minded household
9. Establish a sense of belonging and of being loved and appreciated
10. Make sure that there's unity and harmony amongst your family members, thus preventing conflicts and strengthening bonding.
11. Create a free flow of communication and sharing of ideas in your relationship, which boosts understanding and cordial relations.
12. Encourage creativity in your household and provide resources and support for growing and developing talents
13. Never show favouritism or any sign that you love one person more than another, otherwise you are going to create negative emotions like jealousy, envy, unhealthy competitions, etc, within your family
14. Encourage sharing habit amongst your children, and by so doing preventing or limiting greed and  dissatisfaction
15. Build an intelligent household by doing more explaining than physical beating, because you get less nervousness and better results when people know what is expected of them and the reasons behind the expectation 
16. Don't just talk about caring but show them that you do, by having time for them, and by never being too busy to attend to their needs and wants
17. Listen carefully and attentively to what your spouse and children are saying, it might help you to avoid or solve a problem; and, finally,
18. Carry everybody along in your plans, it makes it easier to execute your goals.

If you liked this post, please FOLLOW, SHARE to receive my latest updates