Hello Aggressive! Welcome Conflicts!!
People have different takes about the term "aggressive behavior".
Everyone, depending on their field of operation or context, view it differently.
To a successful business mogul, a professional, or most other achievers, to be aggressive is a key requirement in prosecuting your goals.
However, what's the role of aggressive behavior in relationships?
What do committed couples feel or say about it?
Considering the theme of this blog and focusing on proferring solutions to interpersonal faultlines, what's its scorecard?
Is being aggressive a plus or minus to couples' wellbeing or marital longevity?
Let's find out in the following paragraphs.
Stay on track via the subtopics listed below:
Being Aggressive In Relationships
At any rate, what precisely does it mean to be "aggressive"?
When we say that somebody behaves aggressively, what are we implying?
Grammatically, being aggressive has a few related interpretations and connotations, such as:
- Emotional show of anger and willingness to confront or attack other people.
- Determination to win or succeed by using forceful action
- An aggressive condition that seriously and quickly worsens and spreads through the body
- A strong treatment that could itself cause harm, usually applied when somebody suffers a serious condition
Without a doubt, aggressiveness in relationships cannot be compared to how it applies or functions in other contexts.
To be sure, it's absolutely counterproductive to constantly act combatively to your partner or mate. That's very much like trying to rush through a process that depends solely on patience, diligence and long-suffering to succeed.
Even more, it paints you as adopting an emotional fast-paced lifestyle, which we all know can be dangerous.
Let's recall this proverb:
"When one sows the wind one reaps the whirlwind".
It means that your reward for every negative behavior could be trouble or danger.
As a metaphor it categorically asserts that bad actions or foolish choices have unfavourable results - which can be mild, severe, or outrightly destructive.
As it happens, if you look at it even deeper, it follows that when you "sow the wind" of hostile behaviour, you are most likely eventually going to "reap the whirlwind" - you know, suffer its harsh repercussions.
Besides, you may also think of it as a warning that cautions you to avoid behaving badly, else you will definitely get back what you give out.
Features Of Aggressive Behaviour
Does it have a label?
How can you identify and recognize toxic habits in people?
In simpler terms, what are its common characteristics?
Let's sight some of them now.
1. They will always habitually criticize their partners, as if their very life depends on doing so.
2. They are known to be insecure and defensive, and feel they need to be confrontational to protect themselves.
3. They would exude contempt by acting towards their partners in manners that portray disrespect, disdain, or superiority complex.
You may discern this in activities like these:
- - Mocking or sarcastic comments
- Eye-rolling
- Sighing
- Insults
- Name-calling, etc.
4. They are fond of being intimidating, hurtful, and unnecessarily raising their voices or yelling.
5. They would mostly engage in applying derogatory and insulting labels or condescending manners of approach to belittle or demean their mates or spouse.
6. O yes, talk about blame-shifting!
They do that a lot. They never accept responsibility for any wrongdoing and are masters in pinning blames on others.
7. Leastways, they could be noted for excessive use of threats in their interactions.
For example, they would regularly threaten to walk out of the relationship or withhold their affection.
8. Also, in the extreme, they could become physically aggressive, harmful, and abusive, including pushing, hurting or hitting their partners.
9. Finally, they could be annoyingly dismissive towards their partners. By ignoring their feelings, needs, or concerns, spouses or mates are denied of validation and left to feel unheard and unimportant.
Triggers For Aggressive Behaviour
You may be wondering concerning what circumstances could give rise to explosive reactions from people.
Let's find out together.
1. Emotional Frustration.
Here's a crucial one. When people frequently encounter blockage and failure, they could think that they are somehow being thwarted from achieving their goals in life.
As a result, they may become aggressive in their behaviour and attitudes.
2. Emotional Insecurity.
Feelings of insecurity can adversely influence behaviour.
If someone is afraid or feels threatened, there's no telling what that might push them into doing.
One of these likelihoods include behaving aggressively against real or perceived threats.
3. Unmanaged Anger.
If you are looking for a fertile ground for hostility, don't go too far.
Check out how unmanaged anger or temper can mess up normal emotional wavelength and thereby escalate them into confrontational responses.
4. Throes Of Disrespect
Do you wonder what notions of being disrespected or belittled do to people?
It's even worse whereby it's flowing from one partner to another.
Believe me, that's a sure fire-cracking trigger for negative
emotional outbursts.
5. Overwhelming Stress.
Never underestimate the power of stress.
When people get exposed to unmanageable and high levels of stress, it can overwhelm and motivate them to become irritable and aggressive.
6. Reaction To Perceived injustice
Unfair treatment such as unfair Comparison,
infidelity , and sundry acts of injustice, etc, can compel someone to behave aggressively.
7. In Defense Of Self-esteem.
Excessive or unabating criticism or verbal attacks on somebody's self-worth is another factor.
If it continues unaddressed, it may generate hostile reaction in the recipient.
8. Helplessness.
You might not realize this but the truth is that a lack of control over their situations can also up anyone's emotional ante.
You see, when persons feel powerless and unable to handle things, it can trigger hot temper and volatile attitudes in them.
9. Influence Of Past History Or Trauma.
In addition, no matter how hard we try, it's really not easy to forget the past.
Indeed, old wounds and memories may ressurrect past monsters and lead to emotional
overreaction.
10. Personal Failure And Unfulfilled Needs.
For most people, it's an uphill task to cope with a record of personal failures.
It usually disrupts their emotional balance and creates frustration in them.
Like an angry tiger therefore, it's common to find them hitting out and transferring their aggression against any nearest person or object - in this case, their partners.
Purpose Of Aggressive Behaviour
For every human activity, there's always a reason and a purpose.
We have already explored the reasons.
What then can we cite as the possible primary purpose or aim of aggressive behaviour?
For the sake of clarity, the point being made here is that in relationships some partners do it deliberately and with intention to achieve a purpose.
That's what we will discuss presently.
1. First: they want to have their way.
By being aggressive they always believe they can force their partners to agree to their own plans or do something they don't originally want to.
2. Second: it could be a ploy to gain control.
It is actually one of the most vital causes of interpersonal hostilities, because it seeks to dominate a partner, decision-making, and key aspects of the relationship.
3. A Punishing Intent.
Again, this is hard to believe but yeah, sometimes its intentions are basically to punish the partner.
Do you wonder why?
Don't sweat it.
A partner might just be nursing grievances for being belittled or wronged in other ways, so they get their little pound of flesh by purposely being hard on you.
4. More: it could also be happening because a partner feels neglected.
They could be reacting hostilely just to force you to focus on them and be responsive to their needs.
5. To Avoid Accountability.
Another aim might be to deflect blame from themselves.
Because they don't wish to accept responsibility for something that went wrong, they could engage in aggressive blame-shifting as a means of distraction.
6. To Win Arguments.
Sometimes too, the focus might just be on winning a point or argument, all at the partner's expense of course.
7. To Manipulate.
Incidentally, aggressive habits could also be used as a tool to emotionally manipulate some partners, especially by unjustifiably making them to feel guilt to the point of submission.
8. An Ego Thing.
That's exactly what it's all about - to some people.
By employing aggressive tactics, they aim to browbeat or bully their partners, in order to boost their own personal ego and self-esteem, again at their partner's expense.
9. A Superiority Contest.
Finally, someone could just be using it to prove their superiority over the partner.
For example, they can usually achieve this by:
- employing condescending language
- snubbing the other person's opinions
- nterrupting or dominating conversations
- verbally and physically intimidating them to feel inferior
Outcomes Of Aggressive Behaviour
All being said and done, what would you expect from such situations we have painted in earlier paragraphs?
More to the point, what would be the impact on couples in committed relationships?
Let's get to it.
1. Trust suffers and dwindles.
If hostility continues unabated, mistrust and skepticism may set in and become the order of every day.
2. Emotional distancing.
If toxic interactions or combative tendencies persist, couples or partners may find themselves instinctively retreating into emotional withdrawal, in order to protect themselves from harm.
3. Creates Resentment.
If aggression goes on without let or hindrance, it fosters intense negative emotions, particularly deep-seated resentment.
4. Communication Breaks Down.
Come to think of it, it's quite difficult to see how fruitful interactions or communication can thrive within toxic or aggression-prone couples.
5. Without gainsaying the obvious, relentless bouts of hostile behaviour can intensify conflicts and create more tension.
6. Intimacy Suffers.
Moreover, it could cause irreparable damage to a couple's emotional and physical intimacy.
7. Unvalued.
Such actions may motivate spouses or partners to feel that they are being disrespected, unappreciated, and unheard.
8. Relentless Stressors.
Furthermore, partners in such a relationship would be easy prey to anxiety and stress.
In fact, daily or constantly dealing with such unfriendly behaviour can cause significant emotional distress.
9. Stagnation And Decline.
It makes enemies out of couples who ought to be committed and loving.
As such they experience declining relationship growth and lack of romantic progress.
10. Game-Over.
Eventually, something always has to give.
If volatile attitudes prevail or conditions continue as they are, partners may at last give up and dissolve the relationship.
How To Prevent / Eliminate Aggressive Behaviour
1. Empathy is a key ingredient in human relations.
It is about feeling your partner's emotional pulse, understanding their perspectives, identifying where the shoe pinches them, acknowledging their pains and preferences, and demonstrating a genuine willingness to ease their burden.
There can be no doubt that empathizing with your partner will assist you to behave properly and amicably.
2. Likewise, the hard truth is that most aggressive tendencies in relationships stem from a place of ignorance.
Giving a listening ear to your partner will go a long way to change that narrative.
As a proverb puts it:
"A listening ear is the key to a treasure of understanding."
It suggests that you listen more and speak less, because real wisdom emanates from active listening.
3. Similarly, though it's not always easy to do in certain situations, you should endeavor to stay calm.
That means you need to manage your emotions and not allow them to control you.
Stay in charge.
You can do this in a number of small or incremental but effective ways.
For example, before you react to a situation that might make you angry or aggressive, always take a deep breath, count to 10, and take hold of your feelings.
Never rush into responding.
4. By the way, have you realized how much damage assumptions can inflict on your relationship?
They are nothing but guesswork and mere speculations, yet they usually lead to misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and unnecessary drama.
For insurance, has it occured to you yet that your aggressive reactions could actually be based on wrong assumptions?
Best Move: Stop making assumptions about your partner's motives, intentions or plans.
Ask them straight out about it and I am sure that should clear all your doubts and give you assurance.
5. Invariably, it's obvious that most aggressive behaviour operates from a place of protest, whereby you feel things are not as you would want them to be.
You probably couldn't accept the reality that it takes two to tango.
Bottom line: you need to start counting your blessings, because this will help you to appreciate your partner and cherish your relationship.
If you learn to regularly express gratitude and appreciation, there should be no room for hostility between you and your spouse.
6. Moving forward, partners should apply the breaks on how they criticize one another.
Incessantly criticizing yourselves is counterproductive, it breeds avoidable negative animosity and is a common trigger for volatile reactions.
You should instead concentrate on real issues and tackle them constructively, rather than being confrontational.
7. Moreover, can we agree that hostility can also arise from a place of needs and limitations?
If that's so, then you need to develop a positive mindset and attitude that thrives in compromise and conciliation.
A relationship can never survive if its participants cannot make necessary sacrifices or practice give-and-take to nourish it.
8. Needless to say, aggressiveness is a child of grudges and bottled anger.
It's a burden that usually expresses itself in negative animosity, unless you drown it in a more powerful emotion, like forgiveness.
So, breathe in, deeply, and let go of your resentments.
Stop nursing grudges.
Not only is that good for your own emotional wellbeing, it's also beneficial to your relationship.
9. Remember what we earlier mentioned - that bit about hiding under the cover of hostility to avoid taking responsibility?
Now's the time to brace up and own up to your actions.
You should apologize whenever you know it's you who messed up.
It's cheaper than subjecting your partner and bond to stressful venom that may ruin your relationship.
10. Furthermore, although it may sound like a cliche, affection truly is a powerful antidote to hostility.
When you are genuinely affectionate - you know, hug them, kiss them, pet them, etc - it can disarm hostility and bring you both closer together.
11. In addition, you should avoid using blame language.
By regularly using "I" statements, you can express how you feel or what you think without blaming (accusatory) or attacking your partner (aggression).
Here are some examples:
- Wrong: 'You always ignore me" (accusatory)
- Right: "I feel ignored when you don't respond to me" (conciliatory)
- Wrong: "You are very lazy" (accusatory)
- Right: "I feel frustrated when I see so much is srill left undone" (conciliatory)
By adopting this style, committed couples can:
- discourage blaming and defensive interactions
- forster active listening
- boost their ability to resolve problems within them
- improve their communication skills and quality
12. Finally, in extreme cases where all else have failed or the above steps fall short of addressing the challenge, you should immediately seek professional help or counseling.
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